My version of a dream/nightmare

In case you haven't spoken with me recently, I now work in San Francisco in a setting I love in an office that overlooks Market Street. I dress up in business professional everyday and commute on BART to the Civic Center station. And if I ever talked to you about my job goals, that was exactly what I wanted, my version of a dream.



This is the view from my office window, overlooking Market Street and United Nations Plaza. It still feels unreal, even after my first week. People ask me how my work is going, and I end up saying, "I'm living my dream."

/\/\/\

When I woke up yesterday morning, the first thing I did was check my phone to see if I really got the call. That nite, I had a dream that someone called and told me that I'm just not good enough to be loved.

But it didn't feel like a dream. It felt real.

Most people have more substantial fears than that.

I imagine that exact situation so often that I can actually visualize it. I already know what the words would sound like.

So when I hear those words, it doesn't matter where I hear them, in a dream or in my waking life. It's all the same to me. I still woke up feeling more alone than when I went to bed, regardless of whether it happened or not.

I already have these insecurities; I don't need them taking over my dreams too.