"I don't want a straw. I want real human moments."

One day, I will memorize this "Ants" monologue from Waking Life.



Hey. Could we do that again? I know we haven't met, but I don't want to be an ant. You know?
I mean, it's like we go through life with our antennas bouncing off one another, continuously on ant autopilot, with nothing really human required of us.
Stop. Go. Walk here. Drive there.
All action basically for survival.
All communication simply to keep this ant colony buzzing along in an efficient, polite manner.
"Here's your change." "Paper or plastic?" "Credit or debit?" "You want ketchup with that?"
I don't want a straw. I want real human moments.
I want to see you. I want you to see me.
I don't want to give that up. I don't want to be ant, you know?

/\/\/\

I know we've all been there. Most of us call it being stuck in a rut or being bored with life. Eventually though, something happens to jostle us and snap us out of it, remind us that we are, in fact, alive and have souls.

But for me, sure I've had my ups and downs as I've always had...but in 2 years, nothing has snapped me out of it. Or more appropriately, nothing lets me snap out of it. It's like I have novocaine in my soul, and that's the way the universe wants it to be.

One of my favorite church songs is "The Servant Song" because it is such a beautiful expression of who we are to one another and who I want to be. In this version, the 4th verse (my favorite) almost brings me to tears.

I long to feel again, to love and be loved, to laugh and cry and not feel like I'm doing it alone.



Will you let me be your servant?
Let me be as Christ to you.
Pray that I may have the grace
To let you be my servant too.

We are pilgrims on a journey.
We are travelers on the road.
We are to help each other,
Walk the mile, and bear the load.

I will hold the Christ light for you
In the nighttime of your fear.
I will hold my hand out to you,
Speak the peace you long to hear.

I will weep when you are weeping.
When you laugh, I'll laugh with you.
I will share your joy and sorrow
'Til we've seen this journey through.

When we sing to God in Heaven
We shall find such harmony.
Born of all we've known together
Of Christ's love and agony.