i want this to happen, but strangely enough, my friends want it to happen too. maybe it's because when i talk about you, they see how genuinely happy i am, and they want to see me happy. right now, just the thought of you brings a smile to my face and brightens my eyes a little. it's a little pathetic and a bit cheesy, but the way i feel right now, even though nothing has happened yet...well, it truly is the happiest i've ever been, relative to how i usually am of course. you have chased the dark thoughts out of my head and replaced them with bright skies.
and the possibility of it getting even better...it's both exciting and scary.
/\/\/\
This comes from the July 30, 2007 post on my now abandoned Xanga. The funny thing is, many of these sorts of genuinely romantic thoughts and hopes have now been abandoned as well.
I mean, it's silly of me to attribute so much happiness to one person, right? It only sets me up to be hurt, and that's what has happened…multiple times.
Yet I still get this way sometimes; I let my guard down and feel happiness I know I shouldn't feel. Except now, I have learned. I have been conditioned to feel uneasy and nauseous …I guess this is my body's defense from my heart.
So now, anything that resembles this kind of happiness (or heaven forbid—love) also comes hand-in-hand with an overwhelming sickness and actual physical desire to vomit.
Ironic how I have come to expect the worst from those who bring out the best in me.
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