Progress

Somehow, I am learning. I have finally started to extract lessons from my previous experiences and from all the repetition so that I won't repeat myself again. This is supposed to be good.

Then how come I don't feel any better about myself? It's like growing means I have to stifle myself from being too kind or too nice or too giving. I mean, that's what I've learned; I can't give myself away for free. I can't let anyone take me for granted because I'm worth more than that. This is supposed to be good.

Now, when I want to be a caring person for someone I love, I need to stop for a moment and ask myself the implications and consequences of my actions. I need to question my motivations and consider whether or not kindness is a "good" idea. This is supposed to be good.

I am growing up and starting to let go of my unrealistic romantic expectations. I am becoming a mature adult who knows that some things are more important than my feelings. I am learning that opening up to another means I run the risk of being taken advantage of, not being understood, or not being appreciated as much as I would hope...and that risk is becoming less and less worth it.

This is supposed to be good. My life is supposed to be better now.